In a previous post I talked about one of my favorite songs, “Big Empty“, by Stone Temple Pilots. There is a lyric in that song that has always stuck with me. “Conversations Kill“!
Conversations can be tough, but the ones that really kill are the conversations that we have with ourselves. You know the ones:
- You’re not good enough
- You don’t deserve it
- You can’t do that
- Yeah but he/she has advantages
- I’m too tired, I’ll do it tomorrow
Most times we don’t even know we’re having these conversations and our performance and overall lives suffer because of them. But I have good news!
We can use a 4 Step Process we called W.I.R.M to redirect those negative conversations to positive conversations!
The first step in the process is essential. Most of us are having these conversations with ourselves and we don’t even realize it. We must develop the ability to witness the conversations. It’s only then that we can being to change them.
To develop your witness we use several tools including guided meditations called the Fish Bowl and Still Water Runs Deep. But one of the best ways is to implement a mindfulness practice.
All you need to do is sit in silence and focus on your breath. Most people think that when they meditate this way their minds need to be clear. When thoughts come up, which they most certainly will, they get frustrated and quit. But those thoughts coming up are natural and our goal is to see them, or witness them, let them go, and return our focus to our breath.
This is developing our witness or our metacognition skills. Metacognition is the process of thinking about your thinking. Once we develop this we’ll begin to see those negative conversations, and we can move to Step 2 and begin to change them.
Now that we are Witnessing the negative conversations we need to stop them! We do this by using a power statement to interrupt the negative thoughts and stop them dead in their tracks. Some examples are:
- NOT TODAY!
- NOT THIS!
Use a statement that works best for you.
Now that we have Witnessed the negative conversation and Interdicted it, we are going to Redirect to a positive conversation. We do this by using positive self-talk and imagery. Some examples of positive self-talk are:
- You GOT this!
- Easy day!
- Nothing but a thing!
- Walk in the park!
- Feed the Courage Wolf
You can also use imagery and see yourself excelling or dominating the situation you are in at the moment.
Now that we are having positive conversations without ourselves, we want to maintain them. It’s easy to fall back into negative patterns if we are not careful. We maintain our positivity by using a jingle or mantra. Some examples of mantras I use are:
- Day by day in every way I’m getting better and better
- What one man can do another can do
- Looking good feeling good, oughta be in Hollywood
I don’t actually use the last one (I have no desire to be in Hollywood) but it is catchy and you get the idea! Use a mantra that works for you and be creative. Have fun with it!
As I said in my last article, we have somewhere between 50,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day and most of those thoughts are negative. I used to think that we were slaves to our thoughts, but by learning and using the 4 Step W.I.R.M process I realize that we have power over our thoughts and we can control them. The conversations we have with ourselves don’t have to kill, and they can empower us to be the best versions of ourselves.
I’d love to have a conversation with you! If you have questions about the W.I.R.M or if you have something you’d like help with please sign up for a FREE two hour consultation. Click the link and schedule some time. I look forward to talking to you!